happy birthday to our shailee!!!

the big three!

♡

i have been so lucky to be able to be apart of this little girls life since she was 7 months old...and so lucky to have her be apart of my life.

i love her like she is one of my own (this is no joke) she has brought so much joy in our life and i just wish we could see her more and still be apart of her growing up.

we love you so much shailee. someday you will know that!! your the best big sister to cali and she loves you. we hope that all your dreams and wishes come true little girl! or should i say big girl? goodness.

cali woke up in such a good mood today. i bet its cause she knows its her sissys bday!

to my big sis:

imvcxkjdjkflbnreedfd dfdh bxxdddddddddddd 

xoxo cali

prepare for picture overload :) 

 i love these girls with all of my heart. ♡

beautiful little girl.

who just keeps getting bigger and bigger!

 she wasn't even 1 yet!

 best big sister for cali

 shailee loves cali so much.

 at a party!

 we love when shailee gets to come over and play at our house

 at shortee's birthday party! she had so much fun goin down the slide but wouldn't go with out me!

binki sisters

 ♡ ♡ ♡

playing outside.

shailee loved helping all the time. weather it was helping make "cheese"

or helping with cali!

happy birthday shailee!!! we hope you have the best day and we love you and wish we could spend some of your special day with you.

xoxo: ashley and cali

bloody nose

my almost 1 1/2 year old just gave me a bloody nose lol.

i will say, cali, im gonna getch ya! and she starts screaming and laughing, running around the house. its so cute. then i chase her and tickle her. and then she starts running after me. 

well she caught me and was tickling me and then she decided to stick her finger up my nose. it happened so fast and her skinny little finger just went straight up and my nose instantly started bleeding. it didn't hurt but my nose wont stop bleeding hahahah. kids.

i won't show you the tissue with blood on it haha gross.

open season on my heart

here's to the corners yet to turn
here's to the bridges yet to burn
here's to the whole thing blown apart
it's open season on my heart

the days go by like flying bricks
leave gaping holes too deep to fix
i'd just stay home if I were smart
it's open season on my heart

I can't blame anyone but me
This reckless fool I've come to be
My tired excuses just don't fit
It don't look good from where I sit
I've tried to change without much luck
I reached the point where I get stuck
I hit the streets and the fireworks start
It's open season on my heart

I can't be something that I'm not
I can't give what I haven't got
I don't know where or why or when
I only know the shape I'm in

So here's to the clown down in the mouth
Here's to the whole thing going south
My own true love's turned poison dart
It's open season on my heart

Here's turning heartaches into art
It's open season on my heart 

                                                                                                                                                                   


tim mcgraw is seriously amazing. i love every single one of his songs. 
this one really hits home though.
i feel like every time i try something new, my feelings for this one individual is still there, and i just can't let go of my feelings for him. its so hard to explain. definitely is a love/hate relationship.

"the best medicine for a break up is a new boyfriend"

my princess,

oh my heck!

my daughter is getting so big. 

(16 1/2 months)

(beginning of august 2011)

i remember this day so clear! 

i had just gotten back from vegas. calvin and i went on a date night to trafalga. we played mini golf, (pretty sure i won:) rode the carrousel and had a fun time. cali liked it too. she was kicking and having fun in my belly :] 

 32 weeks pregnant.

 my pregnancy was the best thing that ever happened to me.

i only threw up a handful of times. and i got big boobies out of it haha.

 

 39 weeks. 1 more to go.

i seriously miss being pregnant. don't get me wrong i am in love with my little girl and i am so glad that she is here with me everyday and i get to teach her to become her own individual. and i do NOT want another baby until i am married and with the person i want to spend forever with (which im not settling cause i know what i want and im going to get it)

but i have been thinking about being a surrogate mother. i would love that. i loved being pregnant and i want to be again. i just don't want the newborn. ha wow that sounded harsh but i would be helping a family. and be getting paid a lot of money. im highly considering it.

october 12, 2011

Cali Jannette Gray

7 lbs 7oz

7:10 am

i didn't know it at the time, but this is the day my life had changed forever.

a little girl sent from up above had just been delivered into my arms. i was chosen to be her mother.

 calvin and i had a hard time agreeing on a name for our little girl. i suggested cali and he loved it. i was kind of shocked that he did. in my previous relationship, we picked that name out if we ever got married and had a baby. lol i told calvin that and gladly, he was okay with it. we originally had cali jean gray picked out. i adored it. i knew that was her name. but i really wanted to name her after some one in my family. cali was pretty much after calvin (his family called him cali sometimes) and jean was his mothers middle name. and i was giving cali his last name. so i told him he could pick the first name and i could pick the middle name or vise versa. so he picked cali (even though i originally had picked it:) and jannette is after my grandmother, janet. and my moms middle name annette. jannette. 

i could get into the whole pregnancy, labor, and birthing story but i will save that for another day when i have a lot of time to write. but to say the least, it was the best experience of my life.

there is nothing like being a parent...at that, a single parent.

i will say though that i didn't think cali was very cute haha. when she came out i looked at calvin and said "yikes, put her back in" i was obviously joking. cali came out posterior so her head was facing the ceiling instead of the floor. she had a unicorn head instead of a cone/alien head. and honestly, most new borns are not cute at all. and ill be the first to admit that cali wasn't. she was really swollen and her nose was big. but now she sure is a cutie. she has grown into her face and her personality is just the greatest. ♥

 ultrasound of cali at 5 months

 told you she wasn't very cute :p i still love her though :]

 cali and her awesom big sis giving her kisses!

2 months

4 months

 9 months

11 months

 15 months

 i can not wait to find my Mr. Right and have more babies :]

$@%*!

anger: such a strong emotion.
i dont get angry very often but everytime i think about this fake bbitch (excuse my language...the only other name for her is c u next tuesday, which isnt any better) i get so frusterated, angry, upset when she crosses my path in anyway. this girl has torn me down lied to my face, set me up, tore things away from me that made me happy. because she is selfish. and if she cant be happy no one else can.
i feel so immature writing this but it had to be expressed.
i dont need a "friend" like that and im glad she isnt anymore. but its not fair to my daughter what this girl did! which makes me the most upset.

thank you to my cousin chelsea for taking me to get a pedi for my birthday!!

 

I SERIOUSLY LOVE YOU!

 

this girls day was way over due!

cali fell asleep in the car on our way to get our peds.

i love my toes!!! barbie pink with rhinestones.

i honestly don't know what i would do living here in vegas if i didn't have this girl. she helps me escape from all the hard stressful troubles i face. shes amazing!

love you cuhh :]

p.s. beware...nerf gun fight coming your way!

happy birthday uncle cody!

i was your 16th birthday present :] when i was born you rushed to the hospital to see me. and you have always been there for me when ever i have needed you. i love you so much! thank you for everything over the years.

my big brother

tj is the best. he took me out for my birthday today. we went out to eat at bjs. i got chicken alfredo and he got cajun chicken....it was good. our server was a total weiner though. my brother has a huge temper and our server was kind of being a dick. i was so scared cause i could see tj getting super upset and angry. i thought he was going to get up and punch the guy. which, is something my brother would do. i think the server could sence that he was pissed and started kissing his ass. and tj finally calmed down in the middle of our meal. their desserts there are so yummy. i got a warm cookie with vanilla ice cream and it even had a candle on it :] which...made me feel like it was more my birthday.
after dinner i went and paid my phone bill, got cali some new sandles, and bought shailee a birthday present.
cali loves her new sandles. we got home and i said, "cali look, mommy got you some new shoes. lets try them on" she walked over to me and sat on my lap and let me put them on. she loved them! she got this big grin on her face and walked every where around the house.
and for shailees birthday present we just got her a card and some stickers! we miss her. i can't believe she is going to be 3! i still remember the day that i met that cutie when she was 6 months old.

have a great night everybody
xo xo ashley

its my birthday and i can cry if i want to

february 16 2013

the big TWO ZERO!

this birthday was a lot different from all the others.

i didn't do anything. which for me is kind of a big deal. but i didn't want to do anything. is that weird? it was not a good day to have an off day. i was kind of sad. :[ i don't know why. i just was. i really missed my daddy. this was my first birthday not being or seeing him. i hate admiting this for everyone to see, but i think i just wanted to spend my birthday with calvin, shailee, and cali. is that bad of me? :p

i just kinda hung out with my mom and cali and watched gossip girl :] which was good. my aunt shelly made yummy chalupas. and i went hot tubbing with my new bff rachelle averett :D and hopefully this week or weekend we will have a little party.  because i want a cake and candles. :]

cheesecake is usually my favorite but this year i want strawberry short cake and whipped cream. mmm yummy. that sounds so good.

 

im so glad that i have cali. she is better than any guy. i would rather spend all my time with her than some boy. i just love her so much and she means more to me than anything. im so happy that i got to be with her on my birthday...and everyday for that matter.

 

and thank you to all of those who wished me a happy birthday :] you guys are fab!!

 

i was thinking a out my previous birthdays and what ive done.

16: my sweet 16. spent with my amazing boyfriend at the time and my bestest friends. my dad and step mom planned a surprise birthday party for me. my boyfriend alex hiatt picked me up and told me we were going to eat. we pulled into liberty land and i was like what are we doing? we pulled up to the front and there stood my dad and dawnie. i was like what the heck haha....i still had no idea what was going on. so i got out and they said, "surprise!" i was so shocked. we went inside and there were my 3 best friends. kellie joe, irene guzman, & rachel benson. we got to rock climb as many times as we wanted because we were thee only ones there. it was so much fun. and then alex's best friend and his girlfriend came. we all had pizza and cake and ice cream and played lazer tag. after that, my dad took me, kelli, rachel and irene to soldier hollow. we sledded (idk how else to say that haha) all day long. it was so much fun. for those of you who haven't been to soldier hollow, you rent some tubes and they have a tube lift that takes you way up this hill and you sled down. it is phenomenal. and after sledding all day we went back home and me and my family and boyfriend went to my favorite restaurant. cafe rio :]  best birthday ever!!

17: me and my sisters hayley and kellie, went to the mall and had a good time. and then we came home. i made my own cake. and invited a few friends over. nothing to special.

18: i had just found out i was pregnant a couple of weeks before my birthday. i still hadn't told my parents until the day before my birthday. which was a big mistake. we had planned to go to dinner; my dad, dawnie, calvin and i. so it had made everything so awkaward. but we went to los hermanos and we tried to make the best out of the situation. and then we went back to my parents and had cake and ice cream :]

19: calvin and i had just broken up a couple of weeks before. dawnie had made me cake and my dad, cali and emery were there to share it with me :] 

i was so worried that i wasn't going to do anything. tyson davis asked me what i was doing for my birthday and i told him nothing so he said i am going to take you out. we went to dinner at apple bees and then we watched a movie.

20: i stayed home. watched gossip girl. hot tubbed with chelle. snuggled with my baby girl.

 

i guess i don't do to much on my birthdays but i always have cake and ice cream and get to blow out candles. i think thats what was just so different. but...thats okay! im just a year older. but don't feel like it yet ;]

11 feb 13

i worked today. so glad i work with the coolest girl ever!
after i got off i picked cali up from the baby sitters. i could not stand my hair being down anymore. so i pulled it up into a bed bun and cali looked at me (i could see her in my mirror) and she glared. and if you have seen my daughter glare you would know that its not a nice look. haha she did not like my hair like that at all. we ran some errands and then went and hung out with uncle reesey.
while they played, i watched like 4 episodes of GOSSIP GIRL! im trying to catch up with rachelle and or lacey so we can have gossip girl nights :)
but omg i can not believe lilly didnt go with rufus! they were so cute together. but i know thats not the end of them :) it cant be. and i know why lilly did itn anyways. as lame as today was, im glad that its over.

we have a full upper arch case tomorrow seating veneers. lacey is letting me do it. i am sooo nervous. but excited. i always feel good inside once i expand my knowledge.
my job really is so awesome!! i love it. just wish i got some more hours :p

xo xo ASHLEY
(my new thing from GG.)

the pressure is on

now that i have let my blog go public, i feel a sence of pressure coming on. i want my followers to stay entertained ha. which you probably all will cause its my life ;)  but i guess im not here to please anybody. this is more of an online journal for me to look back on and see what i went through, how i felt, and how i handled certain situations.
this blog is for me to vent, (i dont need or want sympathy or judement from anyone) post updates of cali and i. and help my followers get to know me on a more personal level.


i dont know how to do an ask box or whatever for you guyss but if any of you have specific things you want to know, you can always leave a comment anonymously and i will answer anything :)

xo xo ASHLEY

laser hair removal

is seriously the best thing invented...EVER

my mom works at simplicity in summerlin which means i get it for free.
i get my underams. brazilian. and my mustache lasered lol. and today we started treatment on my legs. although you have to go every 6 weeks for a year or two, it is so worth it. it doesnt even hurt!

highly recommended

we are loving the weather here in vegas. its been so warm. i can't wait till its time to tan!

love everything about summer time.

uncle reesey lovin his little billy

cali looks so cute with her goofy uncle trev.

super bowl sunday!

these 2 are unseperable

me, jake, reese

sbs!

she loves going for walks.

which is good...keeps me in shape ;]