My blog has literally gone down hill. Ha, oh well.

My life right now is a mess. Somedays i feel a certain way and in a matter of seconds, they change. Just like that.

I know im not ready to date someone serious. At first it was because i wanted to be with calvin. But the more i realize and grow and learn about myself...i want someone who loves me and wants to be with me. Vise versa. Slowly i am realizing i dont want to be with him. Im ready to move on. And that doesnt necessarily mean on to another guy. It means move on with my life. Move forward with cali and i. I dont have time or energy to deal with another human being. If that makes me selfish, then so be it.
The lord works in mysterious ways. And i know when the time is right they will happen.


Now that beong said,i still love being taken out. I love spending time out of the house and with different people. I also like getting to know all different walks of life. No one is the same. Every individual is different. Through dating i learn what i do and dont like.

So tonight i went on a date. And i always want to remember it. Because it actually felt like a date. weather i see this man again or not, i had so much fun. We went to the NFR, aftee that we walked around the strip and to the venesan where they had an ice skating rink. (Fake one obviously) but we skated and it was just really cute. He was fun and sweet. Then i decided i wanted to go home. He took me to my moms to get cali . He took cslu and he also gave my mom money for watching cali. Which to me was thesweetest thing ever. I just thought it was very respectful. And i aappreciated it so much. He tooj me home and on my way wheb we almost arrived. I realized i didnt have my keys. So we had to turn around

cali turned 2

first is first, i am a slacker.
so many things have happened in the life of ours.
cali turned two october 12. we had a super fun under the sea party for her.
thanksgiving was delicious. i love that everyone shares how thankful they are for the things they have. and its a time where family gets together and bonds. plus the food....YUM. we have a traditional stuffing thats made and this year, we had a turkey that was deep fried. so good.
christmas is a couple weeks away. holy cow am i excited this year. i already have everything for cali. she is done. i got her some cute clothes. princesses. a doll house. a microphone. a little vanity. and some play make up. my mom got her a kitchen set. and hopefully we will be getting her a leap frog. we are leaving for utah in 10 days! i literally am freaking out. i am so excited to spend time with calvin and my family. im excited for all the traditions and the great things of being with family does. eek!!

so while i was up in utah the last week of october, we got pictures taken. i wanted to get pictures of cali and her dad and me with cali and then just a few of us together. well we ended up taking way more together. but they turned out so freaking cute.
a little side note, i am super disappointed with everyone and their nasty negative comments about me getting pictures done with calvin, or anything with calvin for that matter.  my family only hears the bad things when i need to vent...which, i have learned to keep things to my self or confide in someone who can let me vent yet knowing my true feelings and my heart. i love calvin. he is the father of my daughter. with out him there wouldn't' be a her. i love spending all my extra time with him. i love him weather he is fat or skinny, going through some things to figure himself out or whatever it is, i love him. there will always be a piece of my heart that will be for him. it won't always be like this. because honestly, i don't want to marry him. i want to find someone that is going to love me unconditionally and grow with me and always be there for me. calvin and i are always going to have a friendship for our daughter. he is a great guy just needs to figure out some of his shit.

these are a few of my favorites!! sherry ward does so well. and is so fun to work with! love her! highly  recommend:

the only thing that makes me sad about these pictures is that shailee isn't in them :[ i miss her so much. she is getting so big its crazy!
hope everyone has great holidays! i don't know if i will be on her to update anytime soon!
but really quick, cali is talking up a storm. she can pretty much say everything now. she is alot more independent. but she needs someone to play with...like a little sibling ;]
but she will have to wait until im married which could be never. ahhaha

merry christmas!*