My blog has literally gone down hill. Ha, oh well.

My life right now is a mess. Somedays i feel a certain way and in a matter of seconds, they change. Just like that.

I know im not ready to date someone serious. At first it was because i wanted to be with calvin. But the more i realize and grow and learn about myself...i want someone who loves me and wants to be with me. Vise versa. Slowly i am realizing i dont want to be with him. Im ready to move on. And that doesnt necessarily mean on to another guy. It means move on with my life. Move forward with cali and i. I dont have time or energy to deal with another human being. If that makes me selfish, then so be it.
The lord works in mysterious ways. And i know when the time is right they will happen.


Now that beong said,i still love being taken out. I love spending time out of the house and with different people. I also like getting to know all different walks of life. No one is the same. Every individual is different. Through dating i learn what i do and dont like.

So tonight i went on a date. And i always want to remember it. Because it actually felt like a date. weather i see this man again or not, i had so much fun. We went to the NFR, aftee that we walked around the strip and to the venesan where they had an ice skating rink. (Fake one obviously) but we skated and it was just really cute. He was fun and sweet. Then i decided i wanted to go home. He took me to my moms to get cali . He took cslu and he also gave my mom money for watching cali. Which to me was thesweetest thing ever. I just thought it was very respectful. And i aappreciated it so much. He tooj me home and on my way wheb we almost arrived. I realized i didnt have my keys. So we had to turn around

cali turned 2

first is first, i am a slacker.
so many things have happened in the life of ours.
cali turned two october 12. we had a super fun under the sea party for her.
thanksgiving was delicious. i love that everyone shares how thankful they are for the things they have. and its a time where family gets together and bonds. plus the food....YUM. we have a traditional stuffing thats made and this year, we had a turkey that was deep fried. so good.
christmas is a couple weeks away. holy cow am i excited this year. i already have everything for cali. she is done. i got her some cute clothes. princesses. a doll house. a microphone. a little vanity. and some play make up. my mom got her a kitchen set. and hopefully we will be getting her a leap frog. we are leaving for utah in 10 days! i literally am freaking out. i am so excited to spend time with calvin and my family. im excited for all the traditions and the great things of being with family does. eek!!

so while i was up in utah the last week of october, we got pictures taken. i wanted to get pictures of cali and her dad and me with cali and then just a few of us together. well we ended up taking way more together. but they turned out so freaking cute.
a little side note, i am super disappointed with everyone and their nasty negative comments about me getting pictures done with calvin, or anything with calvin for that matter.  my family only hears the bad things when i need to vent...which, i have learned to keep things to my self or confide in someone who can let me vent yet knowing my true feelings and my heart. i love calvin. he is the father of my daughter. with out him there wouldn't' be a her. i love spending all my extra time with him. i love him weather he is fat or skinny, going through some things to figure himself out or whatever it is, i love him. there will always be a piece of my heart that will be for him. it won't always be like this. because honestly, i don't want to marry him. i want to find someone that is going to love me unconditionally and grow with me and always be there for me. calvin and i are always going to have a friendship for our daughter. he is a great guy just needs to figure out some of his shit.

these are a few of my favorites!! sherry ward does so well. and is so fun to work with! love her! highly  recommend:

the only thing that makes me sad about these pictures is that shailee isn't in them :[ i miss her so much. she is getting so big its crazy!
hope everyone has great holidays! i don't know if i will be on her to update anytime soon!
but really quick, cali is talking up a storm. she can pretty much say everything now. she is alot more independent. but she needs someone to play with...like a little sibling ;]
but she will have to wait until im married which could be never. ahhaha

merry christmas!*

update 26july13

as sad as this makes me to even say this, cali has an abscess. a while back when she fell and broke her front tooth the root was exposed. i took her into my Dr and we put some multilink on there to cover up the nerve and try to keep the tooth healthy. well about a week ago i noticed her gums were really puffy and red. i looked up there and immediately knew what was going on. i told dr dalley, he made some phone calls and i am taking cali to get her tooth evaluated at the pediatrics office. pretty sure they are going to have to pull it. because that tooth is infected and the nerve is either dead or is dying. well since i told dr dalley about the abscess, he wrote her a prescription for penicillin. i have to give her 1 tsp 3 x a day!!! it sucks. at first when i would pull it out to give to her she would cry and run to hide. it made me so sad. we have been doing it for about a week now and now she knows that if she cries i can just give her the medicine so much easier so now she laughs and closes her mouth so i cant dispense it in her mouth. lol shes a stinker yet smart. 

we are going to the pediatrics monday, and i will keep updated how that goes and whats going to happen. im preparing myself for the worst though because i don't want to be freaking out when we get there.

cutest thing right? i was making some potatoes and she wanted to help me. so i let her help stir and she decided to claim queen of the taste testers. her hair is also getting so long. i put it in a pony on the top of her head and a cute little bow. but i just love this little smile. melts my heart and makes me so happy to see her happy.

i have been wanting to buy cali some dress up stuff. and while this isn't quite as dress up as i wanted, i still got it for her because it is so stinkin cute. she loves...LOVES ariel the mermaid. so while we were shopping at target i saw this and she saw it and she loved it. so i bought it.

pazookies!! heck yes. they seriously are the best things that have ever been made on this planet. its a cookie that isn't cooked all the way so they are a little doughy. topped with ice cream and some moose. i love them. and they are even better made for you. Cali wasn't really hap[y because i took her away from her game to take a picture. lol but she loves pazookies as well. tradition.

potty training: at 21 months. she knows that its caca to poop in her diaper. she knows what the toilet is and what its used for. so i have slowly been trying to get her on the big girl potty. she is scared of the big one. so i caved and went and bought her one that would be easier for her to access.well today when we got out of the bath she wanted to sit on there. and then she grabs her book. it was the cuteset thing ever. i waas drying off and getting some stuff ready to get ready. and i heard the toilet start singing its little song. i look over and she was peeing in the potty!!! i was so stinking happy!she got a treat. yay!! now lets just hope she will continue to do that! one step closer.

just couldn't resisit not sharing this darling photo. i just love her and she loves me...obviously. 

her bib says so duh ;]

top: shailee (calis sister)  

bottom: cali

 put this together to compare how much they look alike. and in my personal opinion there are a lot of similarities that i can see. i think they look like sisters. not twins. shai has dark features and cali has light. shailee is also older than cali in this photo. anyways. i miss shai. she is getting so big!

 :]

xoxo tgif

utah trip

How i love utah!
I really dont want to go home.
My trip this time was very unexpected. i needed to do my aunt a favor and brong her and my uncles church clothes to them. It was the perfect excuse to come see my love. Cali and i have had such a great time being with mikey.
Mikey and i went to look at wedding rings. we have decided to get married and i cant wait. There are so many great things in our futurw. Cali loves him. And i know she would be happy with him being her new daddy. So i think i will be moving back up from vegas very soon.
I dont want to quit my jobs but i need to. And i am ready to start my life.
Anyways, im getting my hair done as we speak. Nervous!! But excited.
Mikey cali and i are getting family pictures done today. Eek!
I apologize for being so vague.
Much love xoxo

seriously!

I have the best boyfriend ever. Everyone says that about there boyfriendd and i know that. But seriously mikey just compliments me so well. Thats exactly what i wanted.
I woke up this morning and i called him and the way he talks to me. He is so sweet and just loves me amd i can feel it. i cant even explain it. Eek. I love him. He is just to perfect.<3 xoxo

Taking chances and following my heart 100% all the way.

cali jannette

is just growing like a little seed!
she is so funny. her new thing is she will put her blanket on her head so she can have long hair. and she found this princess headband and she wears it like a crown. i think she has watched a little to much tangled. hahaha.
she just jabbers away. and she is very smart. i just love her so much!

calvin is trying to kiss my ass big time. he wants to pay for cali and i to make a trip up to utah for the fourth of july. plane tickets are expensive on such short notice and i honestly am exhausted from the 6 hour drive up there. so if he can't buy us a plane ticket i don't think i will be going. its just a hard trip to make. i get so tired, i have a toddler that i need to stop and change her diaper, feed her, keep her entertained which is really hard when i need to concentrate on the road and being safe. don't get me wrong cali is an awesome traveler and she usually sleeps the whole time. but its a boring drive. i don't have anyone to talk to. it seriously drags. so i don't think i will be doing it if i have to drive. although, ill get to see mikey. and ill have a good time.
here is cali and her being Rapunzel! :

oops my finger is in the way. :]

welp! i have a boyfriend. and i am so happy. like we considered ourselves together but yesterday i made sure it was official. i could not be more happy. this is the first time i have really wanted to pursue something since calvin. and i am so happy! yaaaay <3

the only hard thing is living so far away. so do i think i will be staying in vegas much longer? nah :] but i am keeping this decision in my prayers because it is a big one and i know i can't make it alone.

xoxo