Having a hard day.
Talked to my dad and kind of had a reality check. Which is never fun.

I feel like a loser. I dont make a ton of money at my job and i only work about 15 hrs a week. We are a slow paced office and we take a lot of time with our patients. Plus we are on the more expensive side. My dr. really is good.

Its just hard when your doing it alone. I feel like i try so hard at everything and i can never please my dad . He really is the greatest and i know he just wants to see me happy and succeed, but im doing what i can.
I wanted to take a trip up to utah for the 4th of july and have some fun with cali, so i called my dad and said lets do something. He thought it was a good idea but then told me that i cant keep taking vacations up to utah all the time. I should be saving my money. And i shouldnt be doing these things when i dont live out on my own. And it sucks because i know he is right. But i really hate my life. And the only good thing in it is cali. And i just want to be with her all the time.
My dad was a single dad and not only had one kid, but two! He worked his butt off. but we never got to see him. he just worked all the time or he was tired. And i dont want to work my life away. I dont want to get a second job and never see cali. Im all cali has and it breaks my heart to not be with her. and i don't want her to think im boring.

My dad is a great guy...you will honestly never find anyone like him.

I just have issues and dont feel good enough for anything. I struggle with that big time. And right now yeah im hurt calvin didnt love me enough to want to be with me, cali and shailee. Yeah im sad that he changed and wanted to go the party route, be selfish and abandon us. Yeah im hurt and sad that he wasnt the man he started out as, or i thought he was...

But now under my circumstance,  im sad that he doesnt pay child support. He doesnt help with cali. He doesnt want anything to do with her. and it hurts. Its one thing with me, but not this little girl.
Its hard doing it all by yourself. I still live with family members. Which is not easy. I have one person telling me to do one thing and another telling me the complete opposite. Why does this have to be so hard?
And when you know what would be best for you and your daughter but you dont have money to do that!! Or the strength to do what you need to.

Why is it always about money? I hate it.
Im highly considering becoming a stripper...seriously why not!?!?
All i have done is ball my eyes out. This world is scary.
And the thought of i need a husband keeps going through my mind. But i know im not ready. And therefore ive got to do it alone. So i should probably quit complaining about how hard my life is when people have it twice as hard as i do. I just hate struggling and not getting ahead.

Law of attraction:
I am a creator!
My thoughts become things!!!
<3

Xoxo