so last night i decided that i was going to let cali sleep in her own bed last night.
it definitely has been so hard to not let her sleep with me. i love to snuggle with her and i feel like bed time is my time with her. we get to bond and be together with no one interfering. just mommy and me time.
well, i made her a bottle and told her to go get in bed. she went straight to our room but instead of going to her bed, she went to mine. when i got in there i told he, no cali, you are a big girl. your going to sleep in your own bed tonight. i layed her in her crib, gave her her bottle. she was not happy at all. she started freaking out. but i left the room.
she cried and cried and cried. and i knew she was okay and just was having anxiety from me leaving. which is even better that i have decided to do this now than later. she needs to learn to self sooth. i used to make her sleep in her own crib and she always did so well. and then that one time and then the next of letting her sleep with me, took her away from being independent in that way.

so my goal is to have her wanting to sleep in her own bed by next weekend for sure.
i am going to develop a nightly routine. im not positive quite yet what i want to do.
but i did get a few advice options i could do.
last night was really difficult. she cried so hard. and so i decided to only let her cry for 5/10 min. and then i would go get her. the next night id let her cry a little longer and than go get her.
thats kind of my game plan as of right now. eventually she will get to know that bed time means sleeping in her own bed and she will learn to self sooth and become a little more independent in that way.
i love her so much though!! she is so much fun and understands a lot of things i tell her.
its such an amazing feeling when you teach your child something and think its going in one ear and out the other but later on, when you see your child doing what you taught them, there is a sense of accomplishment. its such a wonderful feeling.

i hate leaving her for work. im a mother. and although its nice to get away and have a break every now and than i want to stay home and be with her. she is so precious to me and my love for her grows and grows every day. she is exactly what i needed in my life. and i couldn't be more happy right now.!!


switching topics here: (like how i do that alot?)
this blog sucks. i originally made it for calvin, my babies father. he left to Oklahoma last spring and i made this so we wouldnt have to talk and he could just check up on cali through my blog. how stupid was i? ha boys don't sit and look at blogs. lol. but then it became fun. and then it was dumb. then i was going to have it be a journal kind of thing. which, for the most part it has been. about calvin. and the joys, happiness and also the struggles i am going through being a single mother...
possibly hoping i can encourage the younger generation who look up to me to NOT get pregnant no matter how nice the guy is or how much he loves you UNTIL your married. and that was my mistake. calvin was awesome and really was great but he changed, as do most people. guys aren't done growing emotionally at this age. (16-25 ill say) they are still finding out who they are. as are all of us. but girls/women become alot more mature quicker. thats just cause we are awesome ;)
one more little side thing: having a baby seriously is awesome. and so is being a mother. but it sucks doing it alone. and i know some of you are thinking, well i can do it on my own...this girl can so i know i can. well good for you and you probably can do it alone. but it is not fun. all the little milestones that your child progresses too, and takes, its nice to share those accomplishments with someone special. with someone you love. and that loves you and your baby/children. and you may think you are the exception and he is going to marry you and love you no matter what and be with you forever and ever and your going to life happily ever after. and im here to tell you your wrong. i thought i was the exception. but really i was just the back up. that wasn't ment to last. it hurts. and its not fun. so my advice is just be married before you have kids! im not saying don't have sex but just wait to reproduce until you are with the one and only...your other half.

anyways,
xoxo <3