bf?

the best medicine for a break up is another boyfriend:

goodness, it has been almost a year and a half since i have been in a relationship and i am still so torn up about it. last summer i was doing really well. i moved to Las Vegas and kind of distanced myself completely  from calvin. he was doing summer sales, partying and having fun. being young. which made things a lot easier for me because he wasn't trying to contact me. i was trying to get my life together and make a new start for Cali and i. i did really good staying strong! i don't know what happened. we started talking again and i thought maybe just maybe things could work i guess. ive dated others since than, been on lots of dates, but no relationships. im just ready to love somebody again. i want to find someone i enjoy being with, and have fun being with, but also someone i can be serious with. i need a mature man because i do have a baby. and that is a big deal to a lot of people. ive dated guys where they love kids and they want kids but then we date and kind of get close, it freaks them out and they run away. its not easy to love someone elses child like your own. i would know. but i also know that it is possible. i loved calvins other baby girl like my own. still do.
whats holding me back? i don't want to put cali through that. yes i want a boyfriend. but no i don't want anything serious right now. i want to be in a relationship but i don't want it to progress to marriage. i want something not permanent at this time in my life, but i do want to enjoy someone elses company. it would be nice to not always talk baby talk lol ;] so in other words, i don't want to bring someone into cali's life knowing that they wont be there forever and i don't want to confuse her.
confusing? yeah ha i think i just confused myself.

my spill for the night. having a hard night coping with the past and not having things work out the way i wish they would have.

xo xo